However long and hard the road

Let's talk about compassion.

There are times when we go through the unthinkable, the unimaginable; those absolutely awful things that seem to have no rhyme or reason to them.

I want to start out by expressing my deep sympathy, and in some cases, empathy for those of you who are hurting for whatever circumstance you may find yourselves in.

I truly believe that if we could each look into the life of another and see all the pain and sorrow therein, we would be humbled and perhaps shocked. We all cope with pain in different ways, and there is much to be learned and admired from our differences in doing so.

In order to cope in my life, I write. I write about everything. It heals me. And if I can help heal at least one other soul as well, my life will have been well worth the struggles and pain.

Find something to heal your soul. Healing is rarely an overnight experience, but it will come with time and effort.

Time is your friend. Hold on to hope in better days to come.

However, I understand that although hope can be powerful, many times we need someone to simply sit with us, hold us, cry with us, and most importantly, listen to us. And even then there seems to be nothing that can numb or take away the pain of the current moment. 

I testify with my whole soul that we have been given a Savior of the World who can do exactly that. He will hold us and heal us in His embrace.

Wherever I'm at in life, it is comforting to know that He has been there before. He has been below where I'm at and above as well. Do I understand that completely? He knows how it feels to be at my lowest low and what I need to get back to a higher plane. He has overcome it all and knows EXACTLY what I need in my moments of anguish.

Sometimes, what I need is to learn. 

To learn patience when a trial is not being taken immediately from me.

To learn compassion for others who suffer.

To learn how to lean on my God for support when my world is falling apart.

To learn to be grateful when it seems there is not much to be happy about.

And, above all, to be reminded repeatedly that I cannot make it through this life on my own, nor was I meant to. 

I have been given my Brother, Friend, and Savior to walk with me and carry me through. 

I cannot answer why many of the debilitating trials of life are allowed into our lives by such a loving Father.

I simply do not know.

But I DO know that He loves us, and does not wish to harm us. And He will strengthen and sustain us until we fall into His arms again after we have fought and cried and laughed and smiled, however long and hard the road. 

This I also know: It will all have been worth it.

There is always hope. 

Aubrey

Oh how I've missed him.

Worry. School. Work. Rent. Stress.

Him. 

He appears and it all fades away.

It was really kind of funny, actually, the way he gently entered my life. Unannounced and unforeseen, yet completely and promptly on time.

Isn't it interesting, how life brings you what you never expect, but always what you need? 

As I learn to accept everyone and everything that enters my life as a gift, I see it all as a  beautiful process. 

Every night I would pray to my Father in Heaven, "Where is he? When is he coming?"

"Be patient, child. He is right around the corner."

Well, right around the corner took a little bit longer than I would have liked, but he did come.

And oh how I have missed him.

I am convinced that as we are ready, God will bless us with what we need.

He knows when we are ready, and when we need just a little bit longer.

I have spent twenty-one years without this wonderful human being because my Father was preparing and refining me until I could have him.

You see, it's all about timing.

Don't despair if it hasn't worked out yet. It will.

It might seem like time is moving slower than sea turtles swimming in peanut butter, but, it will come.

Now can I just rant about my gem of a guy?

Okay. He is just the perfect height for me.

Dark hair and dark eyes. Yes.

Cute eyes that look darling when I do something silly.

He has a passionate heart, loving to serve those in need and sacrificing all that he has to help others.

He knows when to joke and when to be serious. This is valuable.

Plays the piano with me and sings with me, which is really just a dream. Oh, did I mention his guitar skills?

Watching him play with his niece is probably one of my favorite things.

He knows just what to say and what not to say. Just talking, going on drives, and walks are our favorite things. A 3 1/2 hour drive isn't nearly long enough.

He is the first person I want to tell about my day. I find myself wanting him there in the big and small moments of my life.

He loves God and desires to do His will.

He loves to stuff me with yummy food.

Chivalry at its finest. Seriously, I didn't know guys like him still existed. Or, at least that one of them could become a reality in my life.

He always leaves me better off than he's found me, every day.

Art. Drawing, painting, sculpting. Did I mention he's sculpting me an elephant because they're my favorite animal?

He accepts the fact that I wear a grandma nightgown to bed pretty much every night.

I can be silly and goofy and sad and pensive all in the same day without him questioning my sanity. At least,  not out loud;)

There is nothing I have done or could ever do that would make him judge me or think less of me.

He is a champion thumb wrestler but sometimes he lets me win just to be nice.

He cares about what is important to me. He helps me study and asks about my family and always puts what I want first.

He's helping me be more informed on the issues our world faces. We watched the Republican debate once. It was romantic.

He comes to dinner at my grandpa's every week with us. Who does that?  Only the kindest of souls.

If he's reading this, he's probably slightly uncomfortable with the amount of compliments. And I know he doesn't see even half of these qualities in himself.

But they are there, and how grateful I am that I have come to know his kind heart.

He just gets me.

Oh how I've missed him.

"Since you won't find perfection in him and he also won't find it in you, your only chance of perfection will be in becoming perfect TOGETHER." -Dieter F. Uchtdorf-

Elephants <3

Love is seeing the darkness in another person and defying the impulse to jump ship. 

To the twenty-one year old who thinks she's got it figured out

Hey you.

Remember when you wanted to be a physical therapist?  Then conveniently switched to psychology, because I mean,  those are quite similar.  What?  And now you absolutely love your human development professor. Good thing you have options. Who knows what they're majoring in at age 21 anyway?

Guess what?  Frustrating as it may be,  it's OK that you don't know yet. You're not alone.

On a side note, knowing you, you're probably wishing Prince Charming would waltz right in and walk with you on such a beautiful fall evening.

*Prince Charming: if you're reading this, thank you in advance for supporting my obsession with herbal tea,  rom-coms, late night walks, and good books.

 Oh, and also for letting me be totally and completely myself with all the sides: The extrovert who loves to dress up, go to movies, run through the sprinklers, and get super competitive playing banana grams.  And also the introvert that sometimes stays in on Friday's to read, drink hot cocoa, and write blog posts, all while wearing sweats and a hat. And who could forget the analyst in me that ponders e v e r y t h i n g and asks intuitive questions,  expects intuitive answers, and listens intuitively. Thank you for being a gem. That's all.*

Wow.  Amiright?  I would say that the reason being 21 is the best and the worst is because the world is at your feet.  Endless opportunities,  life-changing decisions, all while making next to nothing and living off of tortillas."It was the best of times, and the worst of times" has never been so true, for me at least.

You know what? Why do we worry so much?

Worrying is a disease.  

I can worry about 20 things all at the same time; finances, my major, the boy I kissed last weekend, do my socks match, etc. etc.

STOP IT.

Life has a way of working itself out. 

And If we stop worrying and give it a chance to do so, all the stars will align and we will end up where we're supposed to be with who we need to be with.  End of story. Period.

Well that felt good.

So, basically,  you still have none of the "Big stuff" figured out.

And you're still eating lots of tortillas.

But at least you have some wonderful (and not so wonderful)  memories. The latter are the lessons, in case you were wondering.

Life is beautiful. 

The world is yours.  

There will be better dinners than tortillas and herbal tea.

But enjoy this moment because it will never come back. And when there are no more tortillas there will be plenty of macaroni and kiddos to take care of, and maybe you'll miss these simpler days sometimes.You will never be the same as you are right now.

There is always hope.

Aubrey

P.S. some of my favorite lessons and moments since being 21: 

DON'T SETTLE. God has some wonderful gifts waiting to be opened by you if you will wait and trust Him. I know, it's hard. But I also know, that I've received some of my most favorite, most cherished gifts this year. 

Do not put it on anyone or anything else to make you happy. YOU are in charge of that. Do whatever you need to do to get there. And be aware that sometimes that might mean allowing yourself to feel the whole spectrum of human emotions when unfortunate things happen. Let yourself feel all of that, and then remind yourself that you deserve to feel all the happy ones too. 

Being realistic is important. Being positive is powerful. Being cynical is a waste of time, every time. 

I've found this to be more than true. We all need our rest and can only go full speed for so long. Take care of yourself. 

Taking care of myself this month meant I took a weekend to go far away and ride a horse. It was slightly scary at first because the last time I rode I was 12 and got bucked off, but let me tell you something: IT WAS AWESOME. I loved it. It was exactly what I needed. So go find your 'horse,' whatever that may be in your life. You'll be glad you did. 

Family. They are my world not just now but forever. 

People will always always always be more important than anything else. I mean it; grades, money, work, anything. Make time for the people that you love and you will find life to be a much richer experience.