1/05/16
I will be enough when...
I run a marathon
I graduate with a 4.0 GPA
I weigh what I did in high school
I'm married to the perfect man
My clothes are trendy and stylish every day
I have no cellulite on my legs or pimples on my face
My hair grows out to the length I want
I can be financially secure in everything
I am accepted and approved of by everyone
Welcome to Aubrey's continuous train of thought. It is a serious challenge to not allow society to make me feel less than due to my physical appearance, achievements (or lack thereof), or material possessions. No matter what I achieve, society throws in my face lists of things that I have yet to accomplish.
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9/20/16
Aside from being married to a wonderful man, I haven't achieved any of that list up there.
*I left this post unfinished because I couldn't find the words to do so. Above are the thoughts of a twenty-one year old girl who didn't understand that she already was enough. And at twenty-two, she still is.
I am enough because
I am a daughter of the Most High God.
I have divinity inside me and the potential to become as He is.
I desire to improve, and on the days that I fail miserably, that desire remains.
My worth is not defined by the standards of the world.
I have unique gifts and talents, even if I do not always realize them.
My Savior Jesus Christ believes in me and helps me up every time I fall.
My Father trusts me to be a wife and a mother in this uncertain world.
On my worst days and my best days and every day in between, my identity does not change. My worthiness does not determine my worth.
Now, nine months can make an insurmountable impact on one's perspective. However, while I have been working at seeing myself as the second version of 'enough,' there are still plenty of hard days. Days where I cry to my husband because I want to be a better cook, house cleaner, sewer, master of productivity, and a more fun, spiritual, and beautiful wife for him.
Thankfully, I have a wonderful, understanding husband who realizes that I am still growing and progressing. I am so grateful for his kindess and love.
Besides, it is absolutely ridiculous to expect myself to do it all, and to do it all right now. But I do what I can. Rather, we do what WE can. Me, him, and God. And together, we are stronger than apart. We still don't get everything done. Our home is not always spotless. Sometimes my meals burn or don't turn out quite right. I often would rather read and write blog posts than do my online school work. I'm not always thrilled to do all that I am expected to do.
But this I have learned: On our good days, and our bad days, we are children of a merciful, loving Father. He loves us whether the lasagna turned out just right or the pizza is burnt. He loves us when we achieve our goals and when we do not. And more than that, He love us in all the in betweens. And His love is what motivates me to get back up, and try again.
We are a process, and in the grand scheme of eternity, there are no deadlines.
In eternity, there is "to try or not to try." There is "I will accept my identity as a child of God, and continually try to live that way," or "I will deny my infinite value and worth to Him by wanting to live up to impossible worldly standards, instead of accomplishing who HE wants me to be."
I personally believe that we each have very different, distinct paths to walk. And while our paths will cross with others, we do not need to look at their path and try to do what they are doing. Because we were not meant to be them, we were meant to be us.
As I turn to my Heavenly Father and ask Him what He would have me do, I am much less worried about what others expect of me. I can be confident in the fact that I am really trying to please Him and become who I am meant to be on this Earth and in the life to come.
There is always hope.
Aubrey
“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.”
― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.”
― Brené Brown
