This is my fight; this is my gift.

I'M AWAKE.  

But I can't get out of bed.  

I'm paralyzed. 

Paralyzed by fear.

Fear of what? 

I don't know.  

The alarm goes off for the 3rd time.  

WHY CAN'T YOU GET UP?? 

I scream at myself through the tears of frustration.  

YOU HAVE A JOB AND CLASS AND YOU'RE FALLING BEHIND.  GET IT TOGETHER. 

As hard as I try, I simply can't get my body to do what my mind commands.  

So many thoughts. Racing through my head.  

Countless things to do, and no motivation to do them.  

Confusion.  Sadness.  Worry.  Anger.  

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.  

Maybe if I sleep.  Yeah,  sleep will help. 

I'M AWAKE.  

The pain remains. The worry worsens. The fatigue is more striking than before.

Few things help: exercise, reading, time with those I love. 

Sometimes they help and sometimes they don't.  

Sometimes nothing helps.  

Then I remember.  

God. 

He helps.  

He understands. 

He listens.

He is by my side when I let Him be there. 

My heart stops beating so hard.  I feel my body relax. My mind quits racing. I am at peace.  

And for one more moment, I have been comforted and sustained by He who loves me most.

Angels are sent to lift me up and hold me when I am in need.

You all know who you are. <3

This is my fight. This is my gift. I have learned much from this opportunity I never expected to have. 

And truly it is an opportunity; to be refined each day;  to have sympathy and kindness towards those who struggle with mental and emotional health; to teach and be taught, love and be loved, serve and be served.  

It is hard. It is absolutely the most difficult thing I've ever dealt with.  

But I keep going.  Because life is worth living, even though it's far from perfect.  

I fully believe that one day all of our tears will be dried,  and we will be completely healed from all types of sickness and trial.

This is what clinical depression and anxiety looks like for me.

Nearly 20% of our U.S. population suffers from some form of anxiety or depression, or both. 

That percentage is even greater when considering mental illnesses in general.

Let us be kind to others. 

Let us be kind to ourselves.

You are so loved. I am so loved. And this life is so worth living.

There is always hope.

Aubrey

"We are not 

       shallow people

              if we 
                       struggle." 

Project #selflove.

I love makeup.

Seriously. 

And dressing up and trying out new stuff with my hair. 

But I also love having beach hair, a clean face, and being able to rub my eyes without smearing black everywhere. 

Is it wrong to wear makeup? Absolutely not. 

Is it unacceptable to NOT wear it? 

Your first answer is 'No, of course not!'

But think about it; society has trained us to believe otherwise. 

Magazines, movies, ads, everywhere, all the time. They teach us that we are not beautiful if we are not 'done up.' 

So I did a little experiment.

I thought, what if I could see both looks (natural and with makeup) side by side? 

It was weird. And somehow liberating. 

When I finished, I looked at that mirror for a long, long time. 

And you know what? The strangest thing happened. 

There was no side that was "more beautiful" than the other to me. 

Just different. 

I didn't think that the makeup was too much or that the natural needed more. 

I was just me. And it felt like coming home.

Now I feel much more confident no matter which look I choose to show the world, knowing that I am loved and accepted by myself no matter what. 

Let us love ourselves a little more and be kind to everyone on our journey to #selflove. 

There is always hope. 

Aubrey