It's not because I didn't love him

I love love.


I love to love and be loved.

But what about when two people love each other but it just doesn't work out?

Or when you're the only one loving but not being loved in return?

I've learned that you can care about someone so much, but sometimes,  that caring you crave  is simply not reciprocated.  They may even feel similarly about you, and still not show you the attention and concern you deserve.

Guess what? 

You can, as I have,  go on denying how much it hurts and continue to give give give without anyone giving back.  You can try to fix it and talk it out and pray that it works.

Sometimes,  it can be fixed.

And other times,  it should not be, cannot be, will not be. 


This is not to say that many relationships will not work out. Many of them do! And how grateful I am that they do.

All I'm saying is that if ever there comes a time when you are afraid to ask for more in life because it's too scary, or because you don't feel you deserve better, remember that THOSE ARE LIES. 

Y o u   a r e   e n o u g h.

Right now, in this moment. And you deserve to be treated as such.

That's why I've decided to move on from my current situation where I don't feel 100% happy or valued. We've talked and struggled and in the end we agreed we will be happier apart in the long run.

I deserve more, and so does he, honestly. He is enough and I am enough and at the moment our worlds are not meant to be intertwined. 

But it's not because I don't love him. 

I DO love him. So much. He's my best friend and my inspiration to be better. He is coming home at the end of a long day. He is safe.

But he is not mine to have.

And it's awful.

I never ever imagined myself in this situation. When two people love each other, isn't it supposed to just work? Wedding bells and friday night movies and pizza and trips to exotic places and stuff? Why can't we just force it?

Because love is not forced.

The moment you find yourself begging, pleading, sacrificing to be loved, it's wrong. Run. 

Spend time with those people that want you completely.

You deserve to be chased, wanted, and cherished.

I've been struggling to believe that. But I want to.
And I'm scared. Out of my mind.
Is there really someone out there that can accept the offering of my whole heart and give back completely?
Will he adore my crazy outfits and dancing in the kitchen? Can he stand my changes in mood and over-zealous approach to life?

The answer is yes. Whoever he is, he will. I know it.

There is always hope.

Aubrey