"Mom"

 “Mom.”

I hear this word probably 1,000 times a day.

It’s on shirts and necklaces that I own.

It describes what I do 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. And even that description doesn’t seem to fully encompass it, because to me it is much more than a job.

These 3 little people, they are a part of my being. Woven into the fabric of my body and the tapestry of my life.

It’s hard to remember what life was like before their little bodies graced this Earth.

But somehow I feel I’ve carried their souls with me for much longer.

Claire, Emily, and Thomas.

Three vibrant souls that have, at times, brought me to my knees in sorrow and discouragement. Pleading for direction on how best to help them and help our family.

Three bright lights that cause my heart to soar into unspeakable pride and joy.

Three tornadoes that cause me to hide in my room eating chocolate chips and taking deep breaths.

Three forgiving beings that forgive me time and time again when I’ve fallen short of who I hope to be as a parent.

Three little people who remind me to pick my battles, and that most things are inconsequential, like matching socks and perfectly done hair.

Being a mom, for me, has been the most refining experience of my life. Nothing has brought me to my knees more. Nothing has enhanced my life with so much joy.

It is equal parts maddening and delightful.

Sometimes I think, “I just don’t know that I can do this anymore.” And I can feel myself losing my grip on who I am apart from a bedtime snuggler, chef, driver, and butt-wiper.

So I try to bring some more “Aubrey” into my life. Writing, yoga, outings with friends, kitchen dance parties, baking, sunrise runs and sunset walks.

And although it does my heart good to be called “Aubrey” and prioritize my hobbies and taking care of myself, 

I take my greatest pride and ownership in being called

“Mom.”