The Rules we should be Breaking

Rules. 

They are all around us. I have found that rules either

1) Keep us safe. (such as the sign that prohibits swimming in piranha-infested waters)
           
                                      OR

 2) Force us to be  or do something we wouldn't otherwise. (like doing all things possible to fit those size 4 jeans to be socially 'acceptable.')

Of course, many rules are good and necessary. I am truly grateful for parents who taught me that I don't put my hand on that hot stove and I also don't lower my standards for anyone else. This basic structure has guided me throughout my twenty-one years and although I have not always followed their advice, I have seen that they were (and still are) wiser than I am. Their rules are the ones that try to keep me from swimming in piranha infested waters.

I've always hated breaking the rules. In second grade each 7 year old had a card that you flipped over from the green side to the red if you were unpleasant. My problem was usually talking more than Mrs. Largo appreciated during her lectures on "If you give a mouse a cookie" and geography of the U.S. One time in particular she called me out and I had to walk in shame to flip my own card over to that rebellious red. I tend to become overly emotional when I'm punished, so the rest of that lecture was spent with my head in my hands on top of my desk, wishing everyone would stop staring as snot and tears soiled my overalls and pink flowered shirt.

I still hate breaking the rules. I don't like to be late to class and I can't even fathom the idea of a speeding ticket (currently knocking on wood so that doesn't happen).

But what about the other type of rules? 

The ones where we force ourselves to change in order to be accepted? Let me tell you about a few of these created by Ms. Sassy Society that we feel expected to keep:

a. A perfectly toned body with no blemishes or any type of 'imperfection.'
b. A stunning wardrobe that's always up with the latest 'trends' 
c. You must have more followers than following. Keep those 'likes' coming on every photo/post
d. Don't get caught participating in the 'wrong' activities. (aka choir, drama, robotics club, etc.)
e. Make sure your career is considered 'prestigious' and that you bring home the Benjamins

I am currently breaking ALL of these.

My body is nowhere near perfectly toned. Blemishes and 'imperfections' abound.
As for my wardrobe, I wear what I like. Sure, sometimes what I like happens to be 'in' at the time. But I don't wear clothes to be 'accepted.' I'm also a big fan of comfort and convenience, which includes sweats and those aloe-infused socks most days. 
Social fame is definitely not one of my strong points. Good thing I don't base my worth off of the likes/hour ratio on any post of mine.
I actually played lacrosse in high school, but I loved choir and theater as well. Why do we feel those are not acceptable things? We worship actors and singers but cringe at the very arts where they first discovered their talents. 
My current career very probably won't make millions. But I AM happy with what I've chosen to do.

.There are many other rules we should be breaking  Define your own rules. Break the ones that force you to be something you're not. 

There is always hope. 

Aubrey 

Black Keys

Black keys. 

We all have them; the moments that are dark, confusing, and void of hope. Each individual's black keys are different. One may struggle with addiction, another with perfectionism, loneliness, etc. But we post our flawless pictures to Instagram and Facebook anyway, filtered through rose colored glasses which create the illusion of a perfect life. A life with no black keys. Even though social media would like us to believe otherwise, no one has a life without black keys. 

Pretending you have no black keys in your life is actually worse than the 'shame' of acknowledging that you do. Admitting to bad hair days, anxiety, weakness, and mistakes is liberating; hiding them is exhausting and deceiving to others and most importantly, ourselves.

Why the black keys analogy? On today's modern piano, there are 52 white keys and 36 black keys. That's 88 completely different sounds made by each individual key that are needed to create all types of music. 

You may ask, why can't we take out the black keys? Are they truly necessary to write decent music? Certainly there are songs that consist of only white keys.

Yes, there ARE songs played only on white keys. And they are lovely. But not nearly as meaningful and fulfilling as those that use both the white AND the black. 

Thus it is in life; we all love the joyful, carefree moments. However, we cannot remove the struggles, for in the struggles lies our strength. The difficult moments shape us and strengthen us in ways that the happy moments cannot. The black keys give life and strength to the white ones as they play beautiful melodies. They are necessary and beautiful in their own way. 

I'm no polished writer and I never intended to have a blog. But I promised myself recently that I would find the beauty in and acknowledge every 'black key' in my life and use them to build up others on their journey as well. I can't promise groundbreaking sermons or 'how-to's' for every difficult situation you come across. But I CAN promise hope to those who have black keys. That should include every one who has ever gotten a bad grade on a test, had an argument with a loved one, looked in the mirror and didn't like what he saw, didn't make last month's rent, or had her heart broken, among countless other obstacles. 

This is my life without the filters; without the rose colored glass. Raw, real, black and white. I hope you know it's okay to not be okay sometimes. I hope you know that your black keys don't make you bad or unworthy or weak - they make you human. Every day I am learning to not only be okay with my black keys but to see how they make me stronger and more beautiful. 

I also hope you realize the white keys; priceless moments with family and friends, a new favorite song, the kindness of strangers, naps, stargazing, Zumba, tender mercies, and really good tea, just a name a few of my favorites. 

There is music all around us. Whether it's happy or sad, black or white, all the melodies come together and create our life. We can try to stop the music from playing or we can learn to dance to the tune, whatever it may be.

"Life is like a piano. The white keys represent happiness and the black show sadness. But as you go through life's journey, remember that the black keys also create music." 

There is always hope. 

Aubrey